Saving the World and other Small Tasks of Parenting

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever. - Noah in The Notebook


An old woman stopped me in the bread section at the grocery store to let me know that I have a “beautiful family.” I smiled back, thinking she was sweet. Then she shook her head sadly and said, “Oh, I just hope they grow up in a peaceful world.” For some reason this came like a punch in the stomach - unexpected and painful. I froze, cinnamon bread in hand, as she hobbled on by. She likely intended to be kind, possibly just offering a blessing of peace. But the shake of her head gave the statement such an air of hopelessness that I immediately started to question myself. Was I irresponsible and selfish to even have children in a world like this? I had a sudden flashback to standing in front of the television, hand on swollen belly, and watching a plane crash and change the world.

At our old church, a Unity church, our pastor always talked about envisioning a whole and better situation rather than dwelling in the negative. We sang, “Yes there is peace on earth”, rather than asking to “let” it be, because we were affirming our vision of world peace. During the primary, whenever Toby or I would start discussing the issues we currently face in the world - environmental destruction, war, etc., we would often end up sitting down at the computer and donating $25 to the Obama campaign. This process of attempting to turn fear into a positive reaction helped us to reach our maximum allowed donation for the primaries. Apparently the future state of the world for my children weighs on my mind quite a bit.

Of course I’m not naïve enough to believe that Obama can save the world from its problems. And, as much as I am an advocate for getting involved in community activism, even if we all get together to work towards world peace, I think it’s still a long uphill battle to solve all the problems of the world. It’s easy to turn on the news or open the newspaper and feel nothing but discouraged.

Plus, the truth is that throughout the history of humankind, no mother has ever really been able to look at her child and promise her a peaceful world. While we can look at the world and feel panic over global warming and terrorism, Laura Ingalls’ mom sat in the cabin with the girls while it was surrounded by wolves, nursed her children back to health from malaria, watched grasshoppers eat her family’s food for the winter and fought off fires that threatened to burn down their home. It was far from peaceful and in fact the threats were far more imminent. She didn’t have the luxury of worrying about the future because the present danger was always lurking over her shoulder.

Toby and I recently rented “The Notebook.” Prior to watching it, a friend warned us that it was a pretty bad movie. Admittedly, the second half didn’t even hold up to made-for-tv standards. But in the first half, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling shone as teenagers who fall head-first, unabashedly in love. When I was watching this movie, while lying on the couch with my husband at my side, I felt totally at peace. It occurred to me that even with all of the problems in the world right now, the stress and chaos that most people feel in their lives most often comes not from the world around, but from a lacking in their own relationships. Lying there I thought, the best way for the girls to grow up in a peaceful world is to grow up knowing how to love. We can offer it to them as children by giving them a base for what unconditional love feels like. Then I want them to be able to be with someone they trust and love completely, to fall head-over-heels in love with someone who will share their life in a safe and meaningful way.

Of course I also want the girls to live in a world where they don’t have to worry about pollution, terrorism, poverty, global warming, etc. and, while I try to think positively, the world that we are handing to their generation is something that will always concern me. I will do my best to turn that worry into positive energy and activism and to teach them to do the same. But on the numerous days when I’m too busy to go canvassing, or when I feel defeated after reading the newspaper, I will give them a hug and know that in that small action I’m making a step towards giving them a more peaceful world.