“Is it the Jonas Brothers?“ - Ten-year-old Malia Obama, when told there would be a surprise for her at the Democratic National Convention. (Unfortunately for her, it was just her dad on satellite.)
Teen pop stars are taking over my life. Miley Cyrus has dibs on the car stereo, The Jonas brothers monopolize the living room stereo and Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens claim the TV. Today I found myself singing a Hannah Montana song (“rockin’ it wherever we are…”) as I was jogging, so apparently they have taken over my brain as well. I’ve long ago given up the hope of listening to any good music - I have already endured years of the Wiggles and Raffi - but suddenly the music has a, well, teenage sound to it, and I’m starting to wonder, should I be worried about more than just my sanity?
We all go through the process as parents of learning where to set boundaries on our children. When they are really little, it’s pretty easy: Peanuts, bad. Applesauce, good. Sticking little fingers in the outlets, bad. Learning to go down the slide with adult supervision, good. Suddenly it gets a little more complicated. After listening to The Jonas Brothers for half an hour on the way to the beach, Toby mentioned that maybe the lyrics aren’t so child-appropriate, as almost every song refers to a girl that one of them “wants” or “needs” or basically just thinks is smoking hot. Should our four- and six-year-olds (assuming our one-year-old is clueless) really be listening to these lyrics? We thought about this for a while.
The truth is, I don’t really want to take away their cheesy teen pop CDs. There is nothing the girls love more than channeling their inner pop stars and dancing in the living room, choreographing moves and taking turns as the lead singer. Watching them brings back memories of my sister and I dancing to records on our pink plastic record player in the basement. What is it we were listening to? Oh yes, Michael Jackson. Singing about how he got down and dirty with Billy Jean but he’s not about to claim her son as his own. Hmmm. Suddenly songs about summer crushes don’t seem so bad.
What’s hardest is navigating the territory between what feels comfortable and what is out of bounds. Just when I’m feeling like I’m ok with the music, here comes the request for the tv shows. It’s natural to want to watch Hannah Montana if you’ve been listening to her all day long. So I’m the cool mom, right? I’ll give it a try. But no, it’s just too torturous. Miley is sneaking out of the house to see a boy, then she’s gossiping about her friend behind her back… it’s one thing to listen to her singing about it, but to have the girls watching it just doesn’t feel right. I turn off the television, which results in Evie running to her room and flopping dramatically on the bed (proving that the show had already had an effect).
Later that day, I found a note on my bed from Evie. It read: Since I am Bigger I never get what I want. So I want a weekly Break without little sisters. But how? This note cracked me up but it also made me realize that she really is growing up. She’s growing out of her old tastes and wanting to explore new territory. Part of me loves that and finds it exciting, the other part of me longs for someone else to set the guidelines. But we are thrown into it, like it or not: the role of navigating for her the difference between growing up and growing up too fast. One day Evie will go to slumber parties, watch cheesy teeny bop movies and giggle over crushes. There’s something wonderful about that, but we’re not there yet.
Still, after reading her note, Toby an I decided to give her some more grown-up freedoms. She and Toby now bike together every Saturday, with no little sisters along. She is allowed to stay up half an hour later reading in bed (and hopefully offsets some of the music lyrics by gravitating towards books with strong female narrators - Ramona Quimby, Laura Ingalls, Kit Kitteridge). We’re keeping the television shows off limits for now, though I’m sure we’ll be working our way towards them in the future. And, of course, there’s always the music. Miley Cyrus and The Jonas Brothers are here to stay.
As for my sanity, tomorrow is the first day of school, giving me six full hours a day to adjust the car stereo as I choose… that is until Noni discovers the Wiggles and the cycle begins again.
5 comments:
I guess I should be happy that right now it's just Backyardigans, Wonderpets and Diego, huh?
I was a teenager in the days of Motley Crue and Ratt. I hope my parents never listened to the lyrics. Talk about obscene...
I remember loving Madonna and the song "Like a Virgin". My mom once asked me, "Do you know what a virgin is?" and of course, I didn't. I think she gave me a PG definition and she didn't make a very big deal about it which was probably a good call. If I had known it was "dirty" it might have had more impact. But, I just liked the beat and dancing around the living room to it. Or what about some of those Samantha Fox songs that were popular like "Touch Me." I used to listen to that, too. And look, I didn't turn out to be a slut or anything. I think your girls are safe.
Reading this entry I feel like you guys moved away and suddenly your girls are in Middle School! It's going so fast. Jasper and Hugo are developing an interest in Speed Racer and Star Wars, so of course with boys I have to think about weapons and bad guys and not crushes and boyfriends. They like to build the cars and ships out of legos, and I recently bought a set of Star Wars legos that came with tiny plastic guns which made me feel pretty strange.
As for the lyrics--I wasn't as young as Evie, but I certainly listened to all kinds of music with lyrics I find horrifying even now. Even though I sang them and knew every word, I didn't really understand what the words meant and didn't dwell on them at all. I do think most of the lyrics will just go over their heads. I can see the frustration with TV though--those themes seem way too old--and then of course they also see all the clothes and the bratty way of acting. Yikes. Good luck!
Kita- this is so right on! Cole just sang along with a "sprout" channel commercial the other day and I was horrified.
And isnt parenting crazy? The song lyrics, or in my case, allowing swords for a pirate birthday party? I cant bring myself to let him have them...
I also cracked up at your blog about 6 kids... so funny!
Evie's note, "Since I am Bigger and I never get what I want. So I want a weekly Break without little sisters. But how? "
You can tell her that i'm even bigger, and the good news is i tend to always get what i want but what i'd really like is to spend more time WITH my little sister.
When i was little, my dad used to say that time would come. I never believed him
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