Monday, August 17, 2009

Panic



If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic. - Jack Handy


If you were sitting in a hotel room and an alarm suddenly blared through the intercom announcing "BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...Attention, this is an emergency. Do NOT use the elevators or the stairways at this time. BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...Attention, this is an emergency..." over and over again, would you:

A) Sit calmly in your chair, ignore the announcement and continue reading the paper

B) Feeling a little concerned, despite the other person in the room remaining extremely calm, open the door and look down the hall to check if anyone else was looking around the hall to figure out what was going on

C) Panic, grab your kids, turn off the lights, and hide in the bathroom, trying not to hyperventilate while imagining that a murderer has taken over the lobby and your life is in danger

D) Panic, call your sister, find out that your sister is in the bathroom with the lights off, drag your screaming kids into the bathroom, imagine that the hotel is under a terrorist attack and poisonous gas is probably about to enter your lungs any minute, tell your kids over and over that you love them until your oldest daughter says, "Why do you keep saying that? Isn't that what people say right before they die?"

If you answered A, then, like my dad, you are probably someone who can remain completely calm in the face of a storm.

If you answered B, then, like Diane, you are probably pretty normal. You feel slightly alarmed in potentially unnerving situations, but you don't panic.

If you answered C (Mollie) or D (me) then you are a total basketcase and have a far too overactive imagination. You probably should have never been allowed to be a lifeguard or to be in any other position that requires you to remain calm in the face of real disaster.

Oh, and the reason for the announcement? Someone pulled the fire alarm. Addis (whose parents were vegan for nine years and whose mom sports three tattoos) guessed that it was probably a "drunk hippie".

4 comments:

Carl said...

...or (E) look out the window and see everyone out for a calm evening stroll and figure the world isn't quite ending at that moment but...if you look out and see people pointing worriedly at the window of your room then, perhaps, C or D aren't such bad options after all.

Nid

Anonymous said...

...or (F)hang out with nice, fun, cool people in their hotel room, in your pajamas, feeling safe and grateful while reminded that most of life's alarms are, in fact, false.

Diane

Christine said...

If I were you guys I'd read my horoscope about now. I think it is just not in the stars right now for you to have a dull day! Good time for keeping your reflexes sharp...I wish you a little dullness in the months to come :-)

Diana said...

So funny, that happened to us when we went to Clarke's wedding in SF. It was the middle of the night and I JUMPED out of bed and ran to the door to see if people were fleeing their rooms. Damien on the other hand just watched me from the bed thinking I was nuts.

It was a false alarm, too.